Every day I wake up Scared.

You know what is the worst? Waking up scared every day.
  Every morning I wake up in pure dread. For myself, for my family and never knowing if it's going to get better.
  Faith helps. I believe in a higher power and that there is something beyond  human comprehension out there, but I can't rely on it to solve my problems or help me.
   Positive attitude helps. I try to see the bright side to all things. I know that; for every up there is a down. every dark cloud has a silver lining, every closed door has an open window, but me being Libra and knowing that there must be a balance, I can't know that the good things will come my way when there is a need stronger then mine in the world.
  Holding my son really helps. The comfort and security in knowing that my young son holds me and knows that I would do anything for him and keep him safe. The unconditional love of a child heals those worries and for only a few minutes I have hope that some good will come my way. Even if it's just that moment in the morning when I come in after he is awake, I see the smile on his face, then I pick him up and he just lays his head on my shoulder and I can feel his arms squeeze me gently and I just hold him for a minute or two. Boy man, that really helps me.

  Then I walk out that door and start walking to work. I have to listen to music or a book just to keep the dark thoughts from invading my brain.
 I can't even imagine what it's like for those who are homeless out on the streets where every day is a challenge just to find food or a safe place to sleep.   I can't even think about how a sick person in a hospital bed must feel. Whether in pain or waiting for the doctors to figure out what is wrong and fix them, all the while hoping that their medical insurance is enough or if they will have enough money to keep them well. Worse of all, those people who wake up in a war-torn country knowing that just walking out the door is a risk to them and their family. I can't figure out why I am able to think about my problems and even try to compare them to those who suffer around the world. Where human beings are treated cruelly just for their status or color or religious beliefs. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we all see that we are all of the same race of humans and find a way to put our differences aside and work for the common good? Why does there have to be a separation of classes and people by money and power?  What is the Point of that?!

  I want so much to make the world NOT like this. But How? How can I, just one man, change the ways of thousands, upon millions, of people who are suffering just as much if not more then me? How do I change hundreds of years of stereotypes, hate and religious bigotry that exists between human beings?  How do I get people to see that there is enough for everyone to be happy? That we can all live with each other in peace and everyone can get what they want/need to be happy?  That we can all believe in whatever religious or personal belief system they want and no one is right or wrong?

  I just wish I could understand. To fine a point of logic to all this hurt, suffering, unhappiness and pain that human beings inflict on themselves for no logical point, other than to protect and provide for themselves and the people they care for. I just want to know what it would take.  What does the world need to know for every human being to stop and think about how what they are doing effects all the people in the world and how it is helping or hurt them?
 
 The sad thing I know is I may never find an answer. That though I pose this question, I may never get an answer that satisfies my want to help people make this world a better place for my son, my family and all the other people in the world. But you know what.....I'm going to do it anyway. SCREW IT! I don't care if I get help or not. I'm going to try the best I can to make this world a better place for my son, my family, my friends and every human being that is born on this world of ours and is trying to make a better life for themselves. I'm going to do it.  Even if it means giving up my life and having to lay it down for another, I'll do it.

Because I remember the words of my guru and faith, the words that have stoked a fire in my soul for years. "There is no greater love says the lord, than to lay down your life for a friend," & " DO or DO NOT, There is no TRY!"