May 29 2008 12:17 PM
Letter to Amy in Florida
Hey Amy,
I wasn't avoiding you and Honestly I'm ok. I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I hurt someone so deeply and dealing with the guilt of knowing that.
It's things like this that really throws me off dating. I don't like having to hurt people and I don't want too. But I couldn't lie to her and tell her that I had the same feelings for her as she had for me. It's not true and I don't want her having hope that something was going to happen when it wasn't. She called me cruel for doing what I did, but in the long run I know I did the right thing. I care for her but I don't love her. I know what love feels like and I did try to see if I could love her, but it just wasn't there.
You know when you love someone. There is a comfort you feel in their pressence, you want to be with them, hold them, treasure them like a gift from heaven. I've only had that once and I still feel it when I think about her. But I know that i can't have that with her anymore.
I want so much not to be alone, but in the same aspect I want to love and to be loved.
I have so many hobbies and activities to distract me from these feelings, yet I still find time in the day when I can't get away from them.
Guess I just have to deal with it till I find the woman that will make me forget about everything else and just about her.
Do you feel this way? I know you have told me how it is for you but I've been wondering if we are all that different. Your looking for the same thing I am, as I know so many men and women are looking for right now. I think the only difference between all of us is that we have different views on the package we want/need. We say we just want to be loved and to love, but when it comes down to it there is so much more we want/need the person to be and because we are afraid of not living up to that persons expectations or vice versa we don't reveal everything. We all know that fairy tales don't exist. That they are just stories made up to help us hope, but in the end we all want that fairy tale so bad we will do anything to have it. I know I have and I did, but I guess that's the only way we learn.
I wasn't avoiding you and Honestly I'm ok. I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I hurt someone so deeply and dealing with the guilt of knowing that.
It's things like this that really throws me off dating. I don't like having to hurt people and I don't want too. But I couldn't lie to her and tell her that I had the same feelings for her as she had for me. It's not true and I don't want her having hope that something was going to happen when it wasn't. She called me cruel for doing what I did, but in the long run I know I did the right thing. I care for her but I don't love her. I know what love feels like and I did try to see if I could love her, but it just wasn't there.
You know when you love someone. There is a comfort you feel in their pressence, you want to be with them, hold them, treasure them like a gift from heaven. I've only had that once and I still feel it when I think about her. But I know that i can't have that with her anymore.
I want so much not to be alone, but in the same aspect I want to love and to be loved.
I have so many hobbies and activities to distract me from these feelings, yet I still find time in the day when I can't get away from them.
Guess I just have to deal with it till I find the woman that will make me forget about everything else and just about her.
Do you feel this way? I know you have told me how it is for you but I've been wondering if we are all that different. Your looking for the same thing I am, as I know so many men and women are looking for right now. I think the only difference between all of us is that we have different views on the package we want/need. We say we just want to be loved and to love, but when it comes down to it there is so much more we want/need the person to be and because we are afraid of not living up to that persons expectations or vice versa we don't reveal everything. We all know that fairy tales don't exist. That they are just stories made up to help us hope, but in the end we all want that fairy tale so bad we will do anything to have it. I know I have and I did, but I guess that's the only way we learn.
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